I don’t understand the pull. The desire to drag my daughter back into the world of dance. I really don’t know if it was the camaraderie of other moms, or the thought that I was forcing my daughter to do something I thought was good for her. I really did think that it was what she wanted. Dancing five nights a week. Doing two competition teams and a solo. Plus numerous other classes to fill her time and hone her skills. I had convinced myself that she loved it. I know now that I was delusional.

But why? I really think it was the feeling of being involved in a group. You know, I’ve even thought to getting involved in a church to see if I could replace the feeling. Not a very bright thought as I would consider myself atheistic. It’s addictive! Always having other moms around and talking about every item and event in your life with them. And pretending that they are such great friends, that they would never take what you’ve shared and hurt you with it. Another delusion. It’s a sickness I think. Maybe instead of Dance Mom Syndrome (DMS) we could call it the Dina Lohan syndrome. I mean, her daughter is such a good roll model for my kid! NOT. Or how about the Lynne Spears Syndrome. OMG. They were Stage Moms! Not quite DMS but part of the same addictive and deviously deviant classification. I am not going to end up with my daughter shaving her head and crashing her car night after night!

So why am I sad this week?

It’s dance competition tryout week. All of her little “friends” are trying out for the teams. Of course they will all make it. Tryouts are such a joke. I didn’t know that until she first tried out of course. I’ve been thinking about it all week. I feel like I’m keeping her from her fun. Well, it turns out my little girl is so much smarter than me. I actually worked up the nerve to ask her if she missed it, if she was sad. She did admit that she is sad. But not for the reasons I was feeding myself. She said that she didn’t want to try out for the dancing, but for the friends. And after her birthday party, she realized that they aren’t very good friends after all. All of the talk of never forgetting each other, and emailing all the time, and staying best buds, it was all crap. And that’s really what she’s sad about.

So maybe she’s not a little dancing star anymore. But she’s a very smart child. And I am very proud of her.

But I also wish the DMS drug would leave my system!